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Weight loss and frustration


I've been losing weight (slowly) since last June. I haven't hit 50 pounds lost yet, but there are friends of mine who are doing the same who have dropped 100, 75, 80 pounds.

This frustrates the shit out of me. Am I perfect? Oh hell no, I admit that. I had 2 pieces of pizza the other day for dinner. But I do try to temper my eating and do go to the gym.

PCOS is rough to begin with. When attempting to lose weight it's even rougher.

Making this hard for me is the fact that with 45.5 (varies, between 45 - 48 lost) pounds down, I've gone down ONE Pants size? ONE?

What the hell?

I keep at it though. I have some bad days here and there (I had some peanut butter cups (minis) this morning due to work stress); but I still get right back up on it and try again.


Need to seriously start writing again.

Well then..

They finally blocked FB at work. I wonder how long that will last.

Sadly, that means I can't really chat with many people as most of the chatting was done through there these days.

On the upside, I will be posting here more, and I should anyway, as LJ is a much smaller and much closer audience.

Though not much to really report these days - most people don't even pay attention to LJ anymore, which means I can actually just write whatever in here. Half-good, half-bad if advice can't be asked for.

I'll look at the good side.

More coming. I also need to get back into writing, period. Should be fun times.


Anyone else having trouble leaving comments?


So, being single sucks. A lot.

However, one of the good things that does come out of it, is when something goes wrong, I can't expect someone else to take care of it.

Last night, for the second time, my dryer was running majorly high. As in, it's 50 degrees outside and stupid warm in the apartment to the point the AC kicked on. I finally got up, turned the dryer off and looked in the back.

The hose and hose hook had fallen off at some point. There was lint and dirt all over the place.

This was just after midnight.

I ended up moving the dryer out, and first off, cleaning and vacuuming up the lint with my little itty bitty 15 dollar dust-busterlike thing. It took a while. Then I had to take off the back of the dryer to completely clean THAT out because every single vent area was completely clogged and I couldn't clean it just by wiping down the back panel. I had to find a clamp and put that onto the hose and then re-attach it.

AT 2 am I was finished.

And disgusting. I went and took a shower while the dryer continued, but oh was it so nice to be working again.

I still feel like I have dust all over me, even though I showered for a good half hour.

So off on sleep.

But at least no apartment fire. So I will count that as a win.

Well then..

There's a lot of things going on in the world - heightened alert for DC and New York for Sunday, speech by the President and Batshit-Crazy Bachmann's response, Huntsman's-actually-makes-sense-too-bad-he-won't-be-elected plan for the economy and taxes, fires in Texas, weather in PA, and yet....

News channel 6 (theindychannel) for the evening news last night leads off with a major, breaking story that takes over 8 minutes of time (I flipped stations at minute 8, I don't know how long they spent on it) - Peyton Manning being out for most if not all of the season.

I get it. I do. Here in Indiana, Colts Football is big. It's big in other cities as well and those cities get along when their biggest players are out due to surgery. Everything doesn't halt to a stop and people don't cry "woe is me!"

But really? You have a half hour nightly newscast and close to 1/3 of it is spent on Peyton? This doesn't take into account that there is at least 7 minutes of sports news at the END of the newscast as well.

Yes, he's out for most, if not all of the season. Yes, it sucks. But the world will continue to go on. Trust me, the earth will spin. Gas prices will continue to bounce because someone sneezed on a camel's ass in the Middle East. There will still be stars in the sky and our area may actually get rain someday.

I feel for his replacement, Kerry Collins. He's not a bad quarterback, but he's in a no-win situation. If a game is lost, whether it is the truth or not - the blame will be laid on his shoulders. If a game is won, people will still say, "Well, he isn't Manning."

Give the guy a chance. Let the team play to his strengths. And if it's discovered that the Colts can't win without Manning, maybe it's a wake up call to not build the team around *one* guy.

Oh. And for you sports fans that put on wigs and paint your faces and wear uniforms to games, yet make fun of people in costume for Gen Con? Have y'all looked in a mirror lately?

Just saying.


So, that's just amusing:

My new gym has a customer appreciation night every month.

In which they serve pizza, hot wings, cookies, sandwiches, and sweet tea.

I couldn't stop laughing yesterday; and when I was talking to the guy at the front desk, I mentioned that if they wanted to really let us have their appreciation, they'd change the shower heads in the bathroom to match the one in the handicapped stall (it's got the long, snake shower head that you can remove and use). He said all the guys use the handicapped shower head too, but they probably won't do that.

My response, "You put in new shower curtains, I could smell the vinyl."

James, "We have *some* standards." Hee.

James was trying to get me to try the pizza, which is apparently from a really good place. I shook my head and responded, "Amber is here. I don't care if she's sleeping in the back room, she'd know. No way."

Amber is my personal trainer. She scares me.


The stupidity of people amazes me sometimes. I know it shouldn't, but it does.

Why. Why. WHY. Do you allow children to buy clothing marketed by the Kardashians? 1) It looks like slutwear for 7 year olds, and 2) WHY THE FUCK ARE YOUR KIDS WHINING ABOUT WANTING IT? Why do they KNOW who those two idiots are?


Maybe it's just that most people who have money are stupid.

Cause damn. The temper tantrums I saw from two different kids in Sears yesterday as I was there to pay a bill....



So while I use this for my regular posts and such, I am looking at starting a blog somewhere else - I see a lot of people have them.

Any recommendations? wanderingbastet I'm looking at you :)

Commentary - more of a sad one

I tend to go to Petsmart here in Greenwood to visit the cats there that are waiting for adoption.

There's a cat there who reminds me so much of Meghan. Not her coloring, but the way she reacts to people - it's the same way Meghan reacted to people when we first adopted her.

She's been horribly, horribly, abused.

How do I know? I know the symptoms of an abused cat. I have adopted two.

Her named is Pumpkin Pie, she's two years old; and she was brought up from New Orleans. I'm not sure where the abuse happened, but it's easy to see (at least for me, the volunteer I talked to just thought she was shy.) You walk into the area where the cages are and she's in the carrier which is still inside her cage.

When you approach the cage, she looks at you, and her ears suddenly go back, but not in an angry, defensive mode, but in the scared mode that some cats get, and her eyes go wide. She drops her head back and pulls herself as far back as she can.

I talk to her quietly, and have every day that I stop by. She's becoming my project, so to speak. I want to reassure her that not every human is bad. Not every human will hit her or beat her for perceived wrongs.

She allows me to open the cage door, and she'll hiss, but that will be it. I let my hand in for her to smell, and after a few moments, she'll put her head out and let me rub at the sides of her - just on her head though. It's not much, and to anyone, the minute or so she lets me do it seems very short, but I know it's a major step.

If I touch anywhere else (or she accidentally touches me, yesterday she stretched her legs out and hit my hand) she immediately swiped at my hand and then got what I call the "expression" of fear on her face, like she was going to be hit.

I'm trying to show her she won't. I speak to her quietly, and if she swipes at me, I close the door to the cage, but I don't raise my voice, I don't move quickly, and I don't, I don't, I don't, bring my hand down from above her.

In general, don't bring a hand down from above on a cat, it startles them. If the cat has been abused, it terrifies them.

Yesterday, after I walked out of the area, I sat and studied her, while talking to the two volunteers. The guy said he can't go into the area without her fleeing back into her carrier if she's out in the cage itself.

I thought about Meghan and decided to try something. Once Pumpkin was out of her cage, I walked back in. At first, she looked as if she was going to flee back into her carrier, but I stopped where I was, and just spoke to her in soothing tones. She decided I wasn't a threat and stayed out. I was able to walk over to her cage, but didn't jump back in. I never opened the cage that time, but just stayed near it and spoke to her. Quietly. Gently. In no way that would startle her.

After a few minutes I left again and told the boy, "Try it this way. Go in, but don't make any loud noises, don't open her cage, but just talk to her quietly. Don't startle her."

It may not work, if Pumpkin's abuser was a male - it probably won't. Meghan was never good with any male and she ran from most of them, zentiger was the only exception I ever knew. She loved him for some reason.

I don't know if Pumpkin will ever be adopted, or if she's going to spend her life at the shelter and foster families at this point. I don't know how horrible it was or how long she has been abused. Meghan was six months when we got her, and she *never* got over it in 21 years though as she got older, she did become more of a lap cat with me.

It's days like this that I want to win the lottery. I'd give money to my mom to help her out, pay my sister back and depending on how much was left over, go and start working on a place to help abused animals.

I want to find these people who do this and I just want to do to them whatever they did to these animals - make them feel the same terror and pain an abused cat feels, for however long they do it to them.

I was so angry yesterday when I left. It's going to take a lifetime for Pumpkin to get over it, and how many people are willing to adopt a cat that's going to need some extra nurturing, extra love, and extra understanding? That's not a kitten?

How many people will care enough to look past the scared, swiping cat in a cage to see that with time, she will be a wonderful girl. She may never allow the owner to pick her up, but I have a feeling she will come to them, and end up being the lap cat like Meghan did.

I just hope someone takes her. I can't, as I have two cats right now. I just want her to have a good home where she never has to feel as if she's going to be abused again.
*sighs* Obama appointed Monsanto's VP as a senior adviser to the FDA. Really?
Does anyone here not see the conflict of interest? Especially since science is starting to realize the very bad outcomes of using GM foods. (Read the articles on 3rd generation rats after they were fed GM food for the first two generations. Also read the article about some of the chemicals used in the GM corn that are found in human bodies, which Monsanto claimed *would never happen*. Hell, look at the reports that GM soybeans aren't really needed; or the one that says their drought resistant corn isn't any different than regular corn in resisting drought. But yet, these two got tossed through pretty quickly.)

Is anyone really going to stand up to Monsanto and say no? Seriously - putting one of their own men as a senior adviser to the group that's supposed to independently inspect/look at/determine whether or not a food issue is safe - how is that NOT a conflict of interest?

It's not the first thing he's done that's made me shake my head sadly. Either he's been majorly hoodwinked, or he doesn't care. Either one, he needs to open his eyes.

When Obama was elected, I was really hoping that he *might* make good on his word and do what he said he would. And he wouldn't give in to Washington insiders.

Sadly, he hasn't done any of that - the health care reform is a good start, but it's horribly loaded with pork and other hidden bits. His response to the BP Oil spill was horrible, his reaction to the debt ceiling debate was tempid at best (I didn't get the feeling he cared much about it at all); and it just seems that with the FDA running roughshot over people who want to grow and sell their own food, but not caring about looking too close at GM foods, you'd think he might want to look there.

But apparently not.

When will we get a politician who actually does what they say they will do and seriously look at all the sides and the *facts* before making a decision?

Oh wait, that will never happen because as much as we want to say we choose our President, we don't. The media and big business does it for us.

Yes, I'm disappointed. I'm also scared. Monsanto owns *how* much of the seed business and now they are getting pretty much a blank check to toss out as much of their not-fully-tested GM foods as they want?

In the big scheme of things, it may not seem like much. But in the end, when you have a *lot* of people shying away from eating any genetically modified food, countries banning it, and scientists all starting to stand up and say, "Wait a moment, our *independent, unbiased* tests are showing..." there's an issue.

Now Monsanto is trying to stop a movement to mark all GM foods as such. Why? If there's nothing wrong with it, why be scared that it's marked?

Oh wait...